hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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