I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
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I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
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I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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