When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
this boner is exhausting
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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