you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
