We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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