I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
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When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
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Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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