it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
