my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
