Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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