Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize