Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
And then my night got REAL pukey
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I love you. Go after that dick
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
