Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
