Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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