Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
