we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
