I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
