My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
