i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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