I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
