I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
