I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
