Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
