I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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