actually, I'm a sock model
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
