are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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