YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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