I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
