okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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