Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
