whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
