Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
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she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
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I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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