I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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