Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
