Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
