I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
