Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
