Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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