thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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