her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
