And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
