Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
