Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
