he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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