My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
