Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
