I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
