where am i from again
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you inspire me to be a worse person
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
