I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We need a shit load of segways right now
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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