She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
