WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
