i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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