LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I feel like death gave me a hand job
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize