So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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