does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
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well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
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Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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