I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
