brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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